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I
took Dee's advice and told my parents
about Chaz. I have to say they did not
react the way I thought they would. At
first I made it very clear to them how I
felt about prejudice. I was talking to
both of my parents but I was really
addressing most everything to my father
because my mother just will not express
her opinion when Dad is around. I told
them that truly intelligent people do not
judge others by the color of their skin.
And that the way I see it, racism is not
something I want to participate in by
treating people that way or by standing
around silently while others do it. My
father must have thought I was interested
in having some kind of abstract
philosophical debate because he listened
carefully, then became very analytical,
but at the same time remained his usual
rational self. He said that, theoretically
speaking, he agreed with me. That in a
democracy the laws needed to protect all
citizen regardless of race and ethnic
heritage. He also said he believed that
all peoples within a democratic society
deserved equal opportunities for justice,
employment, housing, education, medical
care, etc.
Because
he sounded so intelligent and rational I
was encouraged to move the conversation
from the abstract to the personal. I told
him about Chaz. That he was white and that
we liked each other. I told them about how
Chaz had asked me to the school dance but
that I had turned him down because I
didn't want to get into an argument with
them. I also said that I now realized
turning him down that was a mistake
because it made me a participant in
racism. Neither of them said a word
through any of it. So I took a deep breath
and told my parents the last part: that
the next time Chaz asked me out I was
going to say "Yes!"
That's
when my father lost it. All of a sudden
the rational thinker became in irrational
bigot!
He
told me that our Chinese culture can only
be preserved by remaining true to Chinese
tradition. And the #1 Chinese tradition is
for Chinese to marry Chinese. He was
yelling louder than I had ever heard him
when he said that forbid me to go out with
Chaz and to develop a close relationship
with anyone else who is not
Chinese.
I
was so mad I felt like my head was going
to explode. This kind of stuff sounded
like ancient times when they bound women's
feet and arranged marriages for them with
men they had never even met! How dare he
tell me who I could be friends with? I
looked at him and said, "Does that mean I
can't have lunch with Dee anymore. She's
black, you know."
My
mother told me to stop being sarcastic
because I knew very well that my father
wasn't talking about having a relationship
with a girl.
"Well,
what if I told you that I'm
bisexual?"
My
mother looked like she was about to faint.
My father glared at me and said, "How dare
you talk to your parents like that? Where
do you learn such language from? Not from
your Chinese friends!"
"You
think everyone who's Chinese is perfect.
That is such a joke."
Then
he started talking about JoAnn and how she
is a very good girl who respects her
parents.
I
told him that he didn't know anything.
Then I told them that I didn't care what
they thought, I was going to go out with
Chaz!
My
father got very red in the face and was
practically roaring when he told me that I
was grounded!
I
ran upstairs to my room and slammed the
door. I've been crying as I wrote all this
down. Whoever said that writing down your
feelings makes you feel better was lying.
I wrote everything down and my head and
stomach hurt worse than when I started. I
wish I could talk to Chaz or Dee but my
parents won't even let me use the phone! I
hate this!
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