Dee's Journal



Entry #11: ...we should have walked...


It's been really nice between me and Miguel. I can't think of any other guy I've ever felt so comfortable with. We can talk about anything, but it also feels like we are much more than good friends. He's so cute and his eyes are so sexy. He has the most beautiful smile. When he smiles his whole face shines. Also I just love it when he puts his arm around me. Not grabby or rough, like some boys who hold you like they have to show the rest of the world that you "belong" to them, or something. But with Miguel, it is just nice. He totally respects me and I appreciate that he has not put any pressure on me to get into this heavy sexual thing right away. I know he cares about me and we're just talking our time. So everything has been really cool with us, but then, today, after school, something really awful happened...

Miguel and I were walking past the entrance to the school parking lot. Miguel doesn't have a car and it had just started to rain , but we were cool. And it wasn't coming down that hard or anything. Anyway, we were on our way to the bus stop when these friends of Miguel's pulled up next to us in their car. Actually it's Victor's car and Alessandro and Juan were in it too. They asked us if we wanted a ride. Miguel and I looked at each other and said, "Sure." Me and Miguel got in the back seat with Juan (Victor and Alessandro were in the front seat) I sat in the middle. They had the radio on to a Spanish music station. It was loud but I liked it. Victor said that they were going to stop at a music store first, if that was okay. Miguel asked me if I was in a hurry to get home and I said no. So we stopped at Straws (you know, the place that Kyle works) and no way was I going to get out 'cause I was not interested in seeing Kyle. Victor and Alessandro got out and Miguel stayed in the car with me. Juan seemed to really be into the music on the radio, and he didn't seem to want to get out either. Miguel and I were talking and laughing, then Miguel noticed that we were parked next to a Quik Stop and he remembered that they had run out of milk at his house right after breakfast. He said that his mom had left for work before he and his little brother Ray got up so she probably wouldn't know that they needed milk. He said he was going into the Quik Stop to buy milk so Ray could have some when he got home from school. He asked me if I wanted to come with him, but by then it was raining pretty hard and I really hate the way my hair looks when it's wet. So I told him that I'd just wait for him in the car.

I wish I had gone with him, 'cause as soon as he left, Juan put his hand on my thigh and said, "I think you're hot." I asked him what the hell he was doing and he pulled me toward him and started to kiss me! I couldn't believe what was happening. I pushed him and told him to cut it out. Then he got a pissed off look on his face and grabbed my breast. I pushed him again and told him to "Stop!" and he said, "What's the matter, girl? It's not like you're a virgin or anything." I told him he was a pig and I opened the car door, but he quickly reached over me and closed it again. Then he pushed me down on the seat and held me down. I was so scared, but I was mad too. So I kicked him as hard as I could to get him off of me. Everything was happening so fast. The car windows were pretty fogged up but I could see Miguel running through the rain toward the car. "Miguel's coming, you pig!" He straightened himself up and put his hand on my shoulder, like a claw and he whispered through his teeth, "Say a word and I'll tell Miguel you came on to me."

The next minute Miguel opened the car door and Juan started bopping to the music as if nothing had happened in the five minutes he was gone. It was like some crazy dream. Miguel got in the car, rain was dripping from his hair. He was carrying a grocery bag. "I bought some chocolate chip cookies, Dee. Want one?"

"No thanks," I whispered.

Miguel put his arm around me.

"Are you all right?"

Although I didn't turn around, I could feel Juan looking at me. Waiting to hear what I'd say. I felt so confused. I really wanted to tell Miguel what happened but I didn't' want to risk losing him because of some disgusting lies that Juan would make up. I took a deep breath.

"I'm fine." I lied.

Miguel touched my cheek, softly. "Are you sure, you don't want a cookie?"

I shook my head.

That's when Juan spoke up, "Hey, Miguel, if she doesn't want one, how about me?"

"Sure, amigo." Miguel said, and handed him the whole bag.

Amigo?  Does that mean friend? If Miguel only knew that Juan was no friend of his.




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