Entry #12: My most uncool move.


Just when I had gathered up all my courage to deal with my parents and had that huge fight you'd think I would want to take a rest from social confrontation, right? No way. I had to go push it a little further and ask Chaz out.

What was I thinking?!

And you know what he said, "No!" I am so embarrassed! The first time I ever ask a guy out he says no, he just wants us to be friends. All right, all right! I know that's what I said to him when he asked me to the dance. But this is different. Very different! I mean, I told my parents about him and how I liked him and everything. And I made this big defiant move and shot off my big mouth about how I was going to defy them and go out with him anyway even if they forbid me to. So what happens to my great political statement? Nothing! Totally nothing. So now their expecting me to defy them (which I'd love to do) and I have nobody to defy them with!

I could scream! I'm pissed off at myself for being so stupid to think that Chaz really liked me as more than a friend anyway. If Wendie had asked him out I'm sure he would have gone. This whole thing with Chaz is nothing more than an adolescent romantic fantasy. What else could it be, coming from the mind of a hopelessly romantic adolescent?

This is bad, very bad. Now not only don't I have a boyfriend (which I never really had but at least I had the fantasy of one). I probably have just completely ruined the best friendship I've ever had.

Nice going, Becca. Cool move. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.




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