Entry #19: Everything happens so fast!


Chaz must have known we had a sub in biology who said that he didn't have anything planned for us, so if we wanted to work on other homework or go to the library we could. That's where I was headed when Chaz came up to me from behind. I could tell from the look on his face that he was very upset. It didn't take long to find out what it was about.

Apparently Wendie heard from somebody (it must have been my ex-best friend, JoAnn) that I had met some guy on the Internet. Well, actually what he said he heard was that I was madly in love with some older guy that I met online and that he and I had cybersex!

I told Chaz that was a total lie. And he asked me if all of it was a lie. Well, I just couldn't keep my feelings about Elvin a secret from Chaz any longer. I mean, I respect Chaz and I realized that I have been treating him miserably! So I took a deep breath and here's what I said,

"Chaz, I never meant to hurt you. But you see, when I first told my parents about us they got so wigged out that they grounded me. They wouldn't let me go over to friends' houses or even receive phone calls!"

Then Chaz told me that he had been trying to call me and he wondered why I hadn't ever called him back. I told him that they never even told me that he had called! (You see, I had been thinking that he wasn't interested in me any more and that's why he hadn't call. If I had only known, I might not have turned to the Internet at all. Or if I had gone into a chat room, I probably wouldn't have gotten so emotionally involved with Elvin. I guess I was thinking that I didn't have Chaz any more! But the truth was I did! I just didn't know it!)

Then I told Chaz that I had met someone on the Internet. An 18 year old guy from England, and we've chatted and exchanged email, but we absolutely had NOT had cybersex! That's a disgusting thought!

Chaz asked me if I wanted to break up with him. I looked at those sexy blue eyes of his and that sweet mouth and I could tell how much he still cared about me. And tell you the truth, being there with him, I realized how much I had missed spending time with him. I mean, how can you compare a real boyfriend, who smiles at you and holds your hand, to some person out there in cyberspace who you've never seen!? My heart was racing when he asked me if I wanted to break up. I answered him right away. "No! I don't want to break up with you, Chaz. I just want to find a way that we can see each other, without my parents getting all weird about it. I still really like you a lot."

Then Chaz smiled, and gently brushed the hair away from my face. He said that he wanted to come over and meet my parents because he felt certain that if he could just talk to them and let them know who he really was, that they would feel better about the whole thing.

There was such confidence in the way he described himself talking to my parents, that I could actually start believing that it would work out. I even got excited thinking about what it would be like to be open and honest with my parents and have them approve of Chaz, who really is such a sweet guy. I started feeling happier than I had in a while and I promised Chaz that we could go out next weekend and I would set it up so that he could meet my parents first. We were both really happy, and exited too. That's when the bell rang. Chaz gave me a quick kiss and told me he'd call me tonight.

After dinner my father told me about the surprise he had. The company he works for is planning a merger with a company in England. And as part of the transition team, he has to go there. Since the trip is scheduled for our school's mid-winter break, my father wanted to know if I wanted to go with him and my mom, to London! Do I want to go? Of course!!!!! And maybe I could actually meet Elvin? Wouldn't that be amazing?


What should I tell Chaz?




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