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I'm
getting the strong feeling that Chaz wants
to ask me out and I'm not really sure how
I feel about it. I mean I like him
probably more than I've ever liked any
boy. We are very connected intellectually,
and I really enjoy talking with him. His
poetry is wonderful and I feel like he
respects me as a writer. But it is
absolutely intimidating for me to think
about shifting the relationship into an
entirely different realm.
I've
never had a boyfriend. And I'm not one of
those girls who spends all her time
dreaming about finding one. In fact, I've
never wanted to somebody's girlfriend.
Never! Because from everything I've ever
seen around me, it looks like girls who
have boyfriends just get lost somewhere in
being "a couple." It's like they have to
always be keeping an eye on other girls
who may be wanting to "steal" their
boyfriend. And they have to keep an eye on
their boyfriend, analyzing everything he
says and does to make sure that he still
loves them. And then, and this is probably
the worst part, they have to keep an eye
on themselves all the time. I mean they
have to always make sure they look good,
hair, make up, all that stuff. And they
get obsessed with their weight, probably
think the guy would dump them if they
gained a pound or something. And they also
have to make sure that they don't speak
out too much. Especially if it's about
something their boyfriend doesn't agree
with, or doesn't have any interest in. And
they can't make any plans with their
girlfriends because they have to be ready
to jump every time their boyfriend wants
to go out.
The
whole thing sounds stupid! I mean what's
the point? I'm much more interested in
figuring out who I am and what I'm
supposed to do than to play some insulting
game by pretending that all I care about
is making sure my boyfriend doesn't break
up with me!
No
thanks!
And
even though Chaz is very cool in so many
ways, I might not like him as much or
respect him if I had to play the
boyfriend/girlfriend game with him. So
I've decided that if he asks me out I'll
be very honest and tell him that I really
like the relationship the way it is and I
don't think it's a good idea to change
it.
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